More Reds Than the Peoples Liberation Army

Portrait of referee showing red card during football match.

Four players were sent off in a rough and tumble weekend of Premier League football!

In the Merseyside derby, Ashley Young managed to get sent off as early as the 37th minute for a second cautionable offense. It was great fun to hear Sean Dyche (a notable ranter) (just google Sean Dyche rant!) going on about a lack of reciprocity (today’s word of the day).

The sorry truth is that opponents will never agree about the rights and wrongs of subjective decisions. Even in tennis where, thankfully, Hawkeye takes care of all the line calls there is still room for dispute. Do you remember Serena Williams’ tantrum when she got caught cheating? And there are still arguments about grunts, medical time outs, the serve clock, trash talk, racquet abuse and the holy of holies, the potty break. Why do they always, and without fail, need to go right after they lose a set? Well if you thought there was room for contention in tennis let me tell you football has it beaten 6-0, 6-0!

Some technology helps. A quick look at his watch will tell the referee whether all of the ball was over the goal line. And really and truly the replay camera, alias VAR has led to better decisions. They tightened up the rules around handball. It used to be called ‘deliberate’ handball until some sports psychologist pointed out that even with the finest tuned instrument, you never know what is going on in someone’s head. That’s especially true of Sean Dyche! So now it’s much clearer, a question of geometry! Was the player’s hand outside the frame of his body? Was it in an unnatural position? Or did he handle the ball in the act of falling over? Still plenty of room for subjectivity!

Then there’s offside – again a question of body parts and geometry! But what is the rule if it comes back off a defender? And how long do we need to wait for the clock to reset itself? Does anybody have chapter and verse on these questions?

And I’m just getting warmed up! Some offenses are clear cut. No head butts and no biting messrs Suarez, Costa! Or off you jolly well go! But was he pushed or did he dive? Pusher and diver will be eligible for a yellow, minimum! Two of those and it’s an early bath for you! Now let’s get serious – a single instance of ‘serious’ foul play and you’re down that tunnel, laddy! Denial of a goal-scoring opportunity. Now there’s a can of worms! But do they still have it? Beats me!

Get to the point, Neil! My point is that no opponents will ever agree. I saw my serve in. You called it out. You heard a let. I heard crickets. It’s not that people are being unreasonable. They saw what they saw. You saw what you saw. Never the twain shall meet! So please don’t pretend it’s something new. It’s as old as ZlatanIbrahimovic! RIP Bill Kenwright.

Akanji, sent off agonizingly late, in the 95th minute, for a second yellow, will miss next week’s Manchester derby. But City edged out never-say-die Brighton with a nice goal from Alvarez and a vicious strike from that smiling assassin, Erling Haaland.

Manchester United edged out their namesakes from Sheffield. Four yellows, no red.

Wolves 2-1 over Bournemouth. Straight red for Lewis Cook in the 54th minute.

Brentford blasted three past Dyche’s old outfit with Conor Roberts sent off for Burnley in the 78th minute for a second yellow. Best goal from Wissa.

2-2 in the London derby at Stamford Bridge. No reds, but six yellows. Nice job Chris Kavanagh. He’s clearly getting the hang of the job!

Also 2-2 Notts Forest vs. Luton. Two goals from Burnley alumnus, Chris Wood, then a late one two punch from Luton’s Africans.

Journeyman Longstaff scored for Newcastle in 4-0 win over Palace. Is Longstaff like Lewis Dunk, just a lot better than you ever thought!

A nice 4-1 win Sunday for Villa over West Ham with Ollie Watkins continuing his return to goal-scoring form.

But in Monday’s game at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium no one was sent off. Hardly credible but Anthony Taylor (my namesake) could only manage a couple of yellows. Taylor has issued 40 Premier League reds, a paltry effort in comparison with Mike Dean who was first to 100 Premier League reds. Was it this kind of thing those Roma fans were mad about at Budapest airport? Anthony Taylor, what were you thinking?

Shout out to my eldest son, who lives in Rotherhithe, but is a Spurs fan! Could be your year, Spurs fans everywhere!