United Repelled from the Battlements of Fortress St.James

What a performance from Newcastle! The match report comes later. First, a survey of the Geordie temperament.

Geordies are a peculiar but admirable bunch.  Tucked away in the remote far North, next stop Scotland, they have an accent, an idiom and even a culture that is unique to themselves.  They call each other “Pet.”  Even if they don’t know you they call you “Bonnie Lad” or “Bonnie Lass.”  They are fierce but gregarious.  See the young Geordies on Grey Street dressed up to the nines of a Friday night.  And see them the next afternoon, horribly hung-over in zebra stripes at St.James’ Park, singing the Geordie anthem “The Blaydon Races” https://youtu.be/6PrMaVjHS74?si=MEGgUCGkZInkpHwz

Geordie comes from coal mining and ship building stock. Cunard’s Mauretania was launched on Tyneside.  But Geordie tasted no drop of the champagne that broke across her bow.  Thatcher murdered those industries in the 1980s.  But there’s still dirt under Geordie’s nails. Geordies are tough.  Tough on themselves.  Tough on each other.  Outside the Council Offices in Washington, Tyneside (there’s a contrast!) there’s a list of council tenants in arrears with their rent.  For all-comers to gawk at!  They are conservative.  They are tough on their womenfolk.  Walking into a pub in Hexham, Tyneside all eyes were suddenly on us.  It was alarming till we realized my girlfriend was the only female in the whole place.  Even the cat was a Tom!  But go for Indian and the curry house will be packed with hen parties, women in tight mini-skirts washing down their Chicken Rogan Josh with pints of Fosters Lager.

They are the best of football fans.  They did lose patience when Mike Ashley was running the club into the ground. There was justification for the militancy they demonstrated then.  But for the most part they show only unconditional love for their manager, their players, their club!  A fierce love.  Think of Rafa Benitez and think of wor Miggy Almiron – loved unconditionally by the Toon Army.  And the manager and the players, be they Geordies (Lascelles is a uniquely Geordie last name, but Jamaal was born in Derby), be they from Spain (Rafa), from Brazil (Guimaraes, Joelinton), from Amersham (Howe) or from Paraguay (Almiron) return that love in kind!  The relationship between the staff and the customers at Newcastle is the best in the Premier League.

From the start, the United defense looked shaky against a high-octane Newcastle offense. The Newcastle defense is more resolute and creative.  Livramento, Lascelles, Schar and Trippier all foray up the field, play simple, safe defense and in Trippier, along with James  Ward-Prowse, have the best dead-ball striker in the Premier League.  They remind me of the 2016 Leicester City Defense – Morgan, Fuchs, Huth, Simpson, – Hard Men!  Leicester 2015/6 – what a team – Smeichel, Kante, Mahrez and Vardy at the height of their talents!

Onana flailed at the ball without conviction.  After some unstylish passing, the ball fell to Isak, whose corner-bound shot was deflected wide by Maguire.  Newcastle pinned United back in their own half.  United just couldn’t get out of their last third. Onana punched the ball without conviction. Trappier thumped the woodwork with a free-kick which rebounded from the underside of the crossbar to the goal-line and out.  Onana scrambled the ball away without conviction.

Newcastle turned up the pressure from the start of the second half.  In the 54th minute, series of quick, slick passes set up Anthony Gordon who smashed it in from three yards.  Gordon loves scoring at St.James’ Park.  And don’t you think that, after less than a full season, the Geordies don’t just love him back.  The Geordies have grown to revere Gordon almost as much as Almiron and Guimaraes. Gordon has scored in the last 4 games at St.James’ Park!

At this point each of the 10 Newcastle outfield players had touched the ball in the United penalty area.  Martial and Rashford were withdrawn having looked superfluous throughout.  Unfortunately, Hojlund and Antony, their replacements, made even less impression, if that is possible.  For me, the United attack looks like a wounded animal.

In the 72nd minute Maguire got a yellow ++ for an ankle-breaker on Gordon.  This time two years ago this now dominant Newcastle side were rock bottom of the Premier League. Pope went off in the 85th minute with a dislocated shoulder so Dubravka came on for some rare action after taking 5 minutes to get his act together. The linesman’s flag was also a little slow to go up, when United thought they had scored.  The replay showed that, clearly, Maguire had chested the ball into the net when he was off-side, maybe that’s a bit generous – he really just deflected the ball (unintentionally?)  Joelinton got another yellow for behaving badly, stupidly.  Gordon got a curtain call in the 87th minute.

When it was too late, in the fading minutes of the game the United attack showed a little enterprise.  But it was really all over by then.  Newcastle had played them off the park. Newcastle took 22 shots through the course of the game.  They were just unlucky to see only one of them go in.  United were woeful!  And even in those last few minutes the chance that the collective will of 50,000 rabid Geordies would allow the wounded animal escape from their carnivorous team, intent to dispatch and devour it!